special socks for first day at daycare, and trip into meet peoples at the libraryso it’s back to work for me this week.

Greta will be 12 weeks old this Friday.

She’s blossoming, growing growing, and changing so quickly. She’s got the most charming smile, a little bit wry and amused, and an intoxicating chortling coo when you get her going by mimicking her little sounds.

She’s starting to reach out for things with drool-covered hands, and has the most adorable heavy-headed wobbly sitting stance. She still doesn’t really see the allure of tummy time, but she tolerates it more now, if there’s something good to look at, for a minute or so. The daycare ladies are convinced the drooling means that she’s teething. I say holy cow it’s too soon for that. not even three months old people!

Continue reading

week 8

huzzah my sister and niece have been here this week. this has meant many firsts for little G:

1) trip to aquarium (hated it–way too loud, hot, and chaotic with the lights), which also included other notable firsts such as first visit to NJ, first ride over the Ben Franklin Bridge, and first instance of momma cursing over driving in NJ.

2) visit to the Liberty Bell. Slept through it mostly.

3) visit to the Rocky statue, Fairmont Park (twice), and two different playgrounds

4) sleeping in her bouncy seat mostly. such nice long stretches of sleep a few times! 7 hours once! somehow seems to help with the involuntary wiggling/kicking.

5) visit to the Franklin Institute. Mostly adored.

6) getting sung to by her cousin Emma. very sweet.

For momma, this has meant many nursing-and-diaper-changing-in-the-wild…still a bit nerve-wracking, but I’m getting the hang of it. Thank you to the Camden Aquarium for having a lovely nursing room. Not so much for the Franklin Institute, but at least the “family restroom” had a bench and some privacy.

I’m going to miss my sister when she leaves. sob.

that is all.


a) had first moment today when it occurred to me that the 2pm sleeping is napping. that there will be a distinction between night and day little by little.

b) little lady is 1 month old today. 10 lbs 13 oz! tha’s my girl!

c) am beginning to need regular clothes rather than repurposing maternity-wear into post-partum pooch wear. suddenly 5 pounds away from pre-pregnancy, post fertility treatments weight? then again, our home scale isn’t very reliable.

d) spring is in the air!

e) getting hand of the logistics of carseat and stroller, baby clothes and feedings

f) still really tired. but less delirious.

slowing and marking

jeez louise two months. what follows is a snapshot of what’s swirling around in my head, not necessarily all that heavy on big-picture perspective, but certainly indicative on what being in 8-9th month of pregnancy does to a this lady’s world view.

well. i’m still pregnant, 35 weeks along, 5 or so weeks to go.

i now lumber more than walk, and my pace has slowed slowed slowed. until about yesterday, nothing brought me more pleasure than to get off my feet, lay down on my left side on the couch, on the bed, and let the weight of my belly be supported by something other than my pelvis and lady parts area. somehow this pregnancy sits in my body with all the pressure and stress focused like little knives in my lady parts. not lower back. not sciatic nerve. all hips and tendons and ligaments that support under the belly.

then yesterday my daily sprawl-with-a-pleasure-moan on my side was fine for a little while, then i began to notice the unpleasant sensation of internal pressure moment. like someone’s little head or elbow was grinding into my cervix, rotating and pressing. not bumping kicks and somersaulting about, but slow hot radiating pressure breath-taking discomfort. not pain exactly. but not funny kicking.

she’s been decidedly head down for the past month, i guess, since both visits to the midwife reveals as much. now, of course, i am paranoid and wonder whether she is attempting to turn herself around right side up, in some kind of fit of contrary brady-rizzio-ness.

all the moments and belly pulsings is fun, but i’d prefer you stay aimed down, little girl.

otherwise, i’m still engaged in the perpetual task of stifling low-level panic about finding something comfortable enough to wear out in the world, that is work-appropriate (though this particular definition is becoming pretty loose), that is weather-appropriate, that is activity appropriate. there is this tension between being snug enough to stay on my bod, and not being so snug that i want to tear off all items of clothing within 30 seconds of putting them. underwear, oh how i look forward to not feeling your steel wire-like constriction on my lower belly.

still eating well, still napping when i can.

work’s 8 hour marathon is only possible, i guess, because of the stress and push and distraction of all that comes to my plate. this week began the process of disentangling myself a little from that. not taking on new bits starting this coming week. focus moving to wrapping up things in process, getting staff and boss ready for me not to be here.

i’m not feeling ready for this yet, feeling worried that little bebe will come too early, that all will not be well. midwives said this week that as of week 35, which is tomorrow, any contractions aren’t considered pre-term. so there’s that. i just don’t want contractions to mean that she’s coming now, since that would still be a month early. i have no reason to think she will come early, of course, except the incessant comments from people at work who feel compelled to assure me that there’s no way i’m going to make it to the middle of february. thanks folks.

to be clear, i have not, to my knowledge, have been having contractions. at least anything that is like what i imagine a contraction will feel like.

feels like there’s these markers of events that are supposed to happen before she comes. happy events, to be sure, but events which require strategic preparatory eating, napping, and mental preparations. family events. showers. meeting with doula. final pre-natal classes. it’s all good, all happy loving stuff. it just requires propelling my body through space, and not falling asleep.

then the activities, all of which seem like olympic-like feats of strength and endurance and attention. wash all the bebe clothes (insert moan about the fact that the machines are two flights of stairs away from bebe room, and get-over-it shake of self over how easy we’ve got it…not like i have to trek to a laundromat). figure out what diapers to buy. figure out where to buy the diapers. get to diaper buying location. buy the diapers. get the diapers home and up the stairs into the bebe room.

pack the bag for hospital.which involves figuring out what among the various essential lists of things we’ve been given actually should go in said bag.

try not to freak out at dave because he’s not all obsessed and worrying about things being ready and doing baby-related things.

worrying about how the hell i’m going to be able to make the commute into work for another five weeks. five weeks!! that’s 50 commutes! if i take the subway that’s something like 4000 flights of stairs. figuring out what my fiscal threshold is for paying for parking just for the ease of not dealing with the 4000 flights of stairs.

so i am happy that our girl is healthily rolling around in there, busily doing whatever she is doing in there, plumping up and getting strong. but it is feeling real-er and real-er, and also more and more unknown, how to keep breathing through this.

and damn, baby, it’s cold outside.


so i think i have experienced my first unsullied momma-bliss moments this week. i just feel happy. and like i, we, may be able to do this. ironic, that it comes this week of high anxiety over first visits to daycares, meeting with financial planner to get our chaotic selves in order, and busy busy week of appointments and first childbirth class.

then again, maybe that’s why. amidst all the chaos we’re figuring it out.

Continue reading


hullo blog.

well, it’s suddenly, somehow been a couple of months. oh dear.

things are good. the belly is nicely rounding. the little one, she (yes, she!) is kicking out these little movements which make me smile to see. that started a couple of weeks ago and man, the first time i saw my belly skin sort of pulse outward it just made me smile. and the first time the Rizz felt it too, we both just giggled.

the nausea has subsided, mostly, finally, as long as I am vigilant with the good and consistent eating. apples and yogurt and protein and snacks.

still tired a lot, but much less so. i can have almost normal activity days, though the day after is usually pretty spent.

love this mug

we had a lovely vacation down-tha-shoahr. Continue reading


lost several shrubs from the front from neglect and heat wave action. back area looking a bit ratty, despite torrential downpours last week. i’m just not tolerating the heat this summer like i normally do. out back this morning ditching the dead. pruning the struggling.

plus stucco-ers are coming next week (probably) and there needs to be a margin for scaffolding. i’m most concerned about the compost pile, and potentially having to move it. the rest we’ll just line up in the back corner/wall and hope for the best.

in other news, suddenly i unmistakenly have a belly. it’s kind of silly. and nice. Continue reading